Hello world, haven been blogging for a very long time and yes, time is what i dun have these days. Really wish to have more of it.
Well, just came on board for a short while just to say
As if i dun have enough things on my list of things to do, now i have to take care of more giant babies.
I mean come on, seriously. Its just one more week to go, cant you just have some patience. Not to say anything, but as far as I can see, I know that Im de onli person prioritizing so much on this. This has happened in the past, so much for good memories, and now its history repeating itself. I kinda foreseen that this is going to happen but all I can blame is myself for not taking control any earlier. Haihhh... i'll just stop complaining and call myself the fun sucker.....
Well, here's a quick update. This is the latest TVB show i'm watching and i totally think its better than the other one. Anyways, totally loving the character of Linda in the show. You should totally check it out. =)
Hello peeps. Its been quite some time since I last splash my inner
thoughts over this blank white sheet of bittersweet memories. Recently, a lot
of things have happened and I totally want to express most of it and I don’t
really know where to start.
Well, here goes. Firstly was definitely my family issue. My mum’s car is
“said” to be totally crashed and could not be used further though I could only
believe 1% of it but then who am I to say that. Well, at first I was just
worrying about what’s gonna happen with the extra expenditure in the monthly
budget. Guess what that wasn’t the main problem. The bank later rejected our
application for the car loan and yes everything is on hold for I don’t wanna
know how long. I mean why on earth that has to happen. The worst part is
definitely why sell off the old car when you don’t have a transport. I’m like “seriously??”.
Sigh…… the next alternative you have in mind is definitely, why don’t you
borrow a car from your relatives for the moment? Guess what, the world is just
too realistic. Ya, they did borrow, but there’s a period of course. Who wants
to give you their car for free? There isn’t much saint around this world
anymore. Then you must be thinking, why go for a new car when you cant afford
one? That question totally came to my mind the moment they had the idea of
buying a car. Why cant you just get a second-hand car? I guess it’ll always be
a mystery. I’m just feeling totally sad for my sis who still has 4 months left
in school and this happens. Now she has to figure out something to solve her
transport problem. This is so not fair for her. But then again, what can I do?
Next up, I recently just missed an event of a lifetime. How should I
name it? “a high school reunion” Ya, I shall just call it that way to remain
calm. Seriously, why on earth does my mum have to be out of town this very
weekend? I was totally about to explode when I found out. How on earth ….. ishh…..
Then you must think, why cant you just ask a friend to fetch you? Well,
firstly, I’m so freaking broke that I don’t even dare to walk out of the house
alone. If I ask a friend to fetch, they’ll definitely go for yumcha after that
or maybe some other activities. Seriously? And the other issue is I’ll definitely
be coming home late in that case. Who’ll be at home to wait for my sis to come
back? My mum is definitely not the typical whatever mum but more of the exaggerated
type. Well, my sis did get to go and she was telling me much of her experience.
And next, thanks to facebook, I get to see pictures of the event and see who
went and who wasn’t there. Though the event turned out to be quite below
standards, I’ll admit though regretting not going, I was also superbly afraid
to attend it. There’s like so many people form my past whom I do not know how
to face. Not sure what was the issue though? Just pure crazy?
Well the next thing would be things I would like to have or do. Remember
me saying that everyone around me seems to be living better off. I do not want
to sound pathetic but recently, more people found out about the issue and is
asking why didn’t you do it. I was like, how on earth am I supposed to do it.
My life needs a balanced and normal flow without much shock economically or financially.
I would have done it if I could. The decision totally required more than what I
have. I was of course not happy to have made the sacrifice but perseverance is
definitely important as you cant have all the things you want. I truly believe
things will get better in time maybe now is just not my time. I’m imagining a better
course in the next 2 years the fastest. For now, I’ll just continue making more
enemies and live my life as happily as I could.
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will ever rise
Tell me what is it I'm reaching for
Ravaging through the endless yesterdays
You say I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what tomorrow will bring
I never did believed most of it though
All we did was just ride with the flow
I know it's not selfish to ask for more
For one more night or one more day
Broken dreams may take everything
But they can never have yesterday
I try my best not to complain any of this to the people around me but rather
express it here as everyone totally has their own problems and even after
finding out about it what can they do. All that can be done is just words of
console, pity, sympathy or maybe the good hearted ones – empathy. Praying high
and low that God please, please, please, I know this is just a challenge you
have install for us, I’ll persevere for as long as I can and survive till the
very last day. I want to also thank my friends, who may not even read this, a
million thanks for putting up with me and my charcoal black face every other day
and still willing to stand by me. I know it is extremely difficult for all of
you and I’ll continue to try my best to put up the best face I can and be a
better friend than I am now.
Signing off for now as my time is totally running out like water running
down the drain. When morning sun shines, there comes the shining blue moon
light, pitch black as the crow sounds. May you all have a great day ahead.
Hello peeps, Im back to update you about my week. I
have been really down the whole week for a reason I’m not even aware of. It’s
just the overall mood. However, there are also several or maybe one or two
happy things that I accomplished.
So to start off, the good things first of course. It’s
not so big of a deal but I managed to accomplish my first online transaction
which means I actually sold something. LOL. It’s actually my old books that I
wanted to get rid of eagerly. Luckily enough, there were many hungry predators
out there which wanted the meat too. The downside, I did offer quite a low
price to start with. Well, now that the stuffs are gone, I’m just glad and the
thought of making some loss totally disappeared.
Next up, what’s different. I just feel that this new
beginning is supremely different or maybe it’s just how I feel at every
beginning. I can feel a whole lot of stuff coming in the future awaiting for me
to solve. It’s like a bag or maybe a whole carton of stress sitting there and
just waiving at me. To say that I can’t handle it would be a total crap since I
did manage to get through the toughest time before. Well, maybe I’ll get
through this one as well. LOL.
My friends who are super lazy freaks are totally
skipping class as they’re still back at their hometown. Not sure why was I
attending class so early either, its literally tiring and a waste of time I
suppose. The bright side, you get an introductory session and get to know
everyone which you will never speak to till the end of time. So, what was the
point in the first place again? LOL.
Feeling superbly lonely even when I’m surrounded by
friends. I mean I just feel so alone and I don’t like the feeling, it sucks. Not
to say they ditched me or anything, just that, do you know that feeling, the
feeling of loneliness, the empty, lost feeling that leads you nowhere and no
matter how many things you’ve done you still feel that empty. I just don’t know
what to do with it. Ever since I got my results, I was like WTH. I kinda hate myself.
The only thing I had to do was to study and I can’t even do it correctly. I’m
not even working while studying while those who worked scored much better. Seriously?
You know the feeling of having no goal in life and you’re just going along the
way day by day just passing by, I guess that’s what I’m going through.
Pointless.
Barely survived the first few days, but with the
budget me and the successful transaction, walla, it’s the end of the week and I’m
getting my cash of the month. I guess everyone has their own hardship, its just
that you don’t go around telling everyone right? I’ve actually trained myself
to control my self-expression much to not show stuffs I’m trying to hide such as not splatting all these on my facebook wall. As
much as sharing would help alleviate a lot, the aftermaths is just quite
unbearable. Since there’s nothing people can literally do, they can only
listen. But then it continues to haunt you because people just see you that way,
forever, or is it just me that feels that way?
Not to say my life sucks that much, just that I kinda
noticed that I grew up with people who are somehow better off. Let’s just say
as kids, they have better toys, they get things they want, or they get more
attention and love. I’ve been trying so hard to fulfill my wants, of course,
within my own terms and that does not happen very often, maybe once a year or
so. I know everyone has their own definition of royalty, but I guess mine isn’t
too much to ask. Let’s just say I usually don’t get what I want, just like what
an average American teen would say but maybe not those unreasonable wants.
Before I bore you too much, lets just skip the topic.
I’m kinda attracted to this recent blackberry. It got my attention in a Korean drama
called Dream High 2. After doing some research, it is definitely the most
stylish and sleek blackberry ever. However, compared to iphone and Samsung, it
does lack quite a bit behind based on functionality and price. It’s the Blackberry
Bold 9900. Isn’t it just awesome?
Nah…. I’ve checked. Even with the digi package, the
phone will still cause me 1300++. I mean OMG. It’s gonna be a total impossible
for me to get it. Cause, recently my mum lost her phone then she took my sis’
phone and now she’s stuck with a laoya phone, so I thought I could work and get
myself a phone. It’s definitely asking for too much if I ask my sis to pay for
it. Or maybe should I just get a cheaper one instead?
This is why I say, why on earth the people beside me can just get something
with a flick of a finger and I plan from day 1 of the year till the end of the
year still, I don’t have it. I did thought of working while studying or maybe
do some business online like what all typical students do, but how to start? Maybe,
I’m just not trying hard enough.
There’s this other wish I had which I know in my heart
is totally out of my mind. Would it be possible for me to have a car? LOL. I don’t
even have a license in the first place. Sigh, it’s just so troublesome having
to ask for help every time when others can totally count on themselves. The gruesome,
useless, pathetic feeling inside? Anyways, I’ll count this out since it’s
considered unnecessary and so overboard and my sis din have a car back when she
was studying too. So what I was trying to say, kids today are just too pampered/lucky
I supposed. I guess I’ll just stick to chasing after my phone. Hahahaha……..
I was also planning on changing my face regime since
face is such an important factor in the working world. Everyone on earth can
only remember the first impression, materialistic much. Sad to say, it’s a fact
that I can’t deny. I have acne prone skin from the days of which we were still
wearing white coloured shirts and green coloured pants. Tried very hard to get
rid of it but still, the scars haunt me. I recently visited the famous facial
skin care blog for men www.scform.com and
kinda formulated my own skin care regime. With a tight budget and trying to
find substitutes for the products mentioned, I finally found some. This blog is
a total awesome thing, they provide so much information that you would definitely
want to know. There’s this product called Paula Choice 2% BHA Liquid is said to
be the best in its category and a must in everyone’s skin care regime. Guess
how much it costs? RM90 and that doesn’t include the delivery charges which
adds it up to more than RM100. I’m like how on earth am I gonna budget that
much out. What I learnt was, you can never go cheap on your face, if only I had
SK2, maybe my nightmares would end before they even begin.
So I was wondering should I get Eucerin White Night Solution or Bio Essence Tanaka White Night Cream? the blog suggested Avene Diacneal but from my research its actually super expensive but good for skin renewal. Sigh....
Am so tired like I did a lot of stuff but did not
really do much. Crazy eh. All we know that life's always tough and hard like rock, but give it some slack and time, shower it with love and care and some day maybe it'll turn into gold, Who knows?
I have been thinking quite a lot lately that whether I should make my
blog a little more personal. I have been reading most of my friends’ blogs and am
quite impressed with the things they get to share such as travelling and part
of their lives. So, the thought came to me. However, I also wanted to keep my
identity quite to myself and maybe be a little more anonymous like the Gossip
Girl kind of thing. And so, maybe I’ll just share a bit and remain anonymous at
the same time, cause or else who would want to visit a blog that only offers
songs, lyrics and maybe some cheap movie review. People want something that
they can add to their lives. Well here goes….
For starters, today I officially started school….. again. The break was
so short that it felt like nothing and just days passing by. But yet, I did
enjoy the hols quite a bit cause I did get my rest but sick at the same time.
Back to the story, I had to wake up before the sun rose and rush to class like
all typical students. Cause it was a season of new intakes, there were
definitely a lot of new faces around and of course none that I knew. To be
honest, I felt so lost like I’m in a totally new place. The rush came to my
brains that I totally have to get to class a.s.a.p.
Well guess what, there goes the rest of the day. I was feeling extremely,
superbly anti-social. I din knew why but it just felt like I was gonna die or
something like that. Along the day, I met a few as in maybe just a few of my
old schoolmates. As usual, I was trying to be friendly and just greet them like
anyone would have but deep inside I was like, what am I supposed to do, what
should I talk, I had zero idea till it was so awkward, just standing there and
they had to end it like “ya, I’m fine, its ok, you can go if you’re busy”. That
actually made me felt oh god, what have I done, seriously!!
To be honest, I’m a total jealous of all the rich su****s out there, having rich parents like nobody’s business while the rest of us have to work
our as*** off. Why on earth does God have to do this? There’s a definite trade
off in all the things we do but they seem to get off with better ones. Ya, the positive
me would definitely say, God is always fair, appreciate the things He already
gave you, a healthy body, food to eat, shelter to live under, a chance to
study, what else do you want, be contented. The positive me has been convincing
myself with the same excuse/reasoning for uncountable times now. Not sure when
that’ll wear out though, hope it doesn't.
Lately there’s so many cases about youths suicide by jumping down a building
or a place high enough to die. When you are in situations where you feel like
there isn’t any alternatives you can take, all you want to do is just end it and
don’t wanna give a f*** about it, jumping down a building really does seem like
the easier choice cause all you gotta do is just close your eyes and jump, feel the wind aka titanic. Maybe they did get the idea from titanic or maybe from the movie 3 Idiots where Raju tried to suicide. Believe
me cause I have definitely had that experience, the thinking part of course, or
else I wouldn’t be writing about it. The feeling really sucks all your soul and
brain and you would do anything just to end it. As easy
as jumping down a building would seem, it always seemed to be the stupidest
choice on earth. I think most suicide victims must have thoughts like these before “What
happens after I die? Would there be many people mourning my death? Would there be
anyone who would remember me? Or Even when I’m dead, no one would know I
existed?”
Being an outcast definitely isn’t easy and even with efforts, you’ll
need extreme determination to get through the stage. Without external help, I
wouldn’t think a normal teenager would make it through. Parents actually play a
supremely important role, especially in observing their children’s changing behavior.
Parents that were observant enough would definitely see something wrong in
their children like they were gonna suicide or something like that. Adults
would definitely think, why are children today so stupid and they just had to make
their parents suffer even after so many years of love and care. And behind all those theory, all the child only
wanted was actually some love and care that parents thought they were supplying
so sufficiently. Guess what think again!!!
Back to the topic, castle walls. There’s this song called Castle Walls by
T.I. feat Christina Aguilera. I think it totally describes how I feel.
Everyone thinks that I have it all
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls
These castle walls
If I should tumble if I should fall
Would anyone hear me screaming behind these castle
walls
There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls
See what I mean. Seeing back those people made me kept
thinking what was I supposed to do? Do you know the feeling of fear about showing
your weakest points and then being let down later. I’m so afraid of opening
doors and gates for bridges to connect but yet I’m so lonely and scared,
shivering behind those walls. I always thought that there wasn’t anybody out
there, but even if there was, would I be brave enough to open those doors. The
answer, I’m not sure myself. So, do you think I would or I should?
Anyway, the fact that I know I can’t end my life on purpose,
what I could only wish is that this pain can just end as fast as possible. I
know I would regret not having to enjoy these times, but after some serious
consideration, I would prefer that time could have moved a little faster.
To all those troubled youths out there, just a word of
advice, I’ve been there, suicide is definitely not the only way, and there is
always another road you can take. It’s up to you whether you have the guts to
go through it or not. Although it’s not a road you’ve always dreamed of but it’s
definitely another road worth taking rather than just ending it right at the
intersection, where there’s a choice that you could’ve taken. Give yourself
some courage and hope in believing that one day, things will go your way. Think about the people who still cared and their feelings if you just gave up and end life just like that. As
long as you persevere, as long as you’re still living, that one day will definitely
come.
Blogging is definitely a good therapy and its actually
why I’m doing it. There’s some fun it in that helps release the stress and yet at
the same time it may bring some joy to those who read it. Now, after expressing
much bout today, I guess I’m feeling much better. So, to you and me, let’s work
hard together and build the life we have always wanted.
I heard this song by accident from a blog and
totally fell in love with it. Yet again, its another great group from Loen
Entertainment. I had no idea who they were in the first place. But, music is
universal, as long it’s a good one, it’ll always get my attention.
The song has a great melancholy, summer/spring
breeze feel to it. It’s rhythmic and yet powerful enough to capture the right
emotions. Great MV and vocals can be considered average for girl bands in
Korea. All in all, I’ll definitely follow up on C-real’s future songs.
I've posted Hangul and Romannized lyrics for those who wants to sing along. The english translation will definitely help you understand alot better. For non-english speakers, I translated the chinese lyrics myself. Hope you like it. It may not be the exact translation but definitely will suit the songs emotions. Have fun.
