THe SuN in THe DoUgH

This topic kind of came up to me again recently and I got to learn some of the lessons regarding "life". So just how fake are you?

Remembered last time, when I was this teenage young boy in secondary school, I always seem to look at people and complain how can he be so fake? Why on earth does someone wants to cheat his/her way into a certain something? Its like there's no meaning to it. I just keep bla bla bla bla...... feeling angry and sad at the same time seeing those fake bitches get things they want and still be a laughing bitch in front of everyone else.

So as I got older, I came to see that it's actually quite a skill. How good are you in putting up a good front? Making people around you to be jealous/admire you from the distance. Of course everyone in this world has problems but do you really need to tell every single person you know like

Oh, I'm pregnant...... I had sex with my boss.... He is the love of my live...... I'm gay/lesbian....... I hate that bitch...

Cause you never know the so called truths you tell will come in your back biting your asses off. Seriously, I know how it feels. When you get so vulnerable, you tend to feel like you're the most pathetic person on earth and you feel like you want sympathy from everyone but yet you feel guilty and you don't want them. That crazy dilemma you have. But one thing you definitely be doing is telling somebody about it.

So here is the key point. Who do you actually tell? Cause like that "come back biting your ass off" theory, it's practically the same. The person you tell is extremely important depending on how trustworthy this person is and how much "trauma" the person can actually take. Everything can change if the person can't really take all these and even best friends can become strangers overnight.

So for example, I told "people" when I was at my most vulnerable stage about problems in my family, actually no one could empathy and they could only sympathy cause they all come from wealthy or at least not so bad families. They don't have to think about financial problems cause it'll always be their parents' problems.

Looking back, I was feeling like I was the black duck or whatever you call it, the weird one among the good breed. Having to understand things so early in life while others were having the time of their life. So how did it all end? We went our separate ways and a person did hand me some cash. The noble thing to do is of course not to accept it, well I really wanted to. The person kind of got away before I could and I was kind of nervous that day and I was just overwhelmed with everything back then on that very day. The cash did help afterwards with the registration and everything, although not much but I really appreciated the thought. The thing is I didn't really thought the person would share the story beyond the circle ie: the parents. More people got to know. That's where the cash came in. And I think you mix any relationship with cash, it's bound to get ugly. Plus, I didn't really do a lot of reconnecting myself and I was feeling a bit of how do you describe... shame maybe or just guilt cause didn't thought it would involve that many people and I was just ranting.

Another event was, I did told my teacher about the events that I'm going through. I admit at first I was trying to get her to give us some slack cause we did burn the whole bottle of midnight oil to finish stuff and yes I was angry back then that I was doing most of it. Just being rejected like that was like feeling everything that you've done was just for nothing. Burnt... But then, we clicked and I found out that we share quite a common past. She did found support from Christianity and at least its something.

She's quite successful today from what I can see, maybe not financially but every student would bound to be touched by her sincerity and gold heart. At some part, I did got through the stage with some supporting advice from her and can I say, she kinda saved my life somehow I think. Suicide was really replaying in my mind like every single day back then. Well, I wouldn't go through with it probably cause I've always thought suicide was stupid. But trust me when you're at the verge of hopelessness, the urge would definitely surpass your rationality.

When I told her how I ran like across blocks just to complete my registration and it was impossible to find the cash, plus no one in the bloody uni was willing to even give a damn, she did thought of lending me the money. I would of course refuse it cause that's like thousands of dollars and we're definitely not related. The thought was sincere though. But at the end, when I totally had no idea what to do, and was so hopeless, I sat down on an empty table where there was nobody around and I just prayed. Prayed for something good and at least that I could have done. I sms-ed my aunt and she called. After days of crazy ups and downs, she decided she could lend me the favour. I almost cried at the point. Happily did I rushed to take a bus and got home.

Another event would be this person who was such a bitch clammed all the bitchiness within and well until it was time when she can't take it in no more, all hell breaks loose. We got to see many true versions of her. Luckily, I did not tell her much about me. And we got to see how selfish of a person she can be. But this is also her positive trait if she thinks you are a "very good" friend of hers, she can definitely fight on behalf of you. Literally I mean.... LOL...

Getting back on track, I think everyone on earth is fake cause we are bound to hate someone at some point or at least lie about something, for good or for the bad. You just gotta deal with people of all types cause you don't get to choose the customers you serve. You can't just filter the bitches out and take in all the good and charming ones. It's a skill that is not so easy to learn and portray at the same time. As hateful you feel about particular something, you can't just be lashing it out onto everyone such as your boss unless of course you're a billionaire's son or the boss itself.

And like how I said not everyone has the privilege to that, we've gotta find our ways around. The important thing is to balance in between, and not let your fakeness take over and let it define you in reality. The next time you see someone acting in front of you, don't be angry, be jealous and learn how the person is doing it. Cause trust me, one day you'll be needing the skill to survive in this crazy complicated world that is just not black and white but full with many, many shades of grayness in between. There's no a 100% right and a 100% wrong in things especially when you're working in the corporate society. I didn't get how crucial the skills of social was, now I definitely do. So after all the events of life I've been through, I would say I'm not that fake, I just deal with different people with different versions of me. Hahahaha...... So tell me, how fake do you think you are?

Version 1

二号房的恋人

Verse 1
这世界什么叫恋人，恋人恋人单恋的人
男男女女变成情人，不分男女去爱个人
看着眼前那对恋人，不知慨怎么去容忍
想要爱却怕被人爱，失去了爱才懂的爱

Chorus
达进了二号房的你，就该做回原来的你
要爱就去爱的够狠，别怕面对所有憎恨
这是你要恋的人吗，或是你想要喝的茶
一男一女天生一对，没人过问度过一生

Verse 2
房里做个K歌之王，房外做个吹水大王
老是飞去荷兰的你，站着呆着不能飞起

Chorus
达进了二号房的你，就该做回原来的你
要爱就去爱的够狠，别怕面对所有憎恨
这是你要恋的人吗，或是你想要喝的茶
一男一女天生一对，没人过问度过一生

Bridge
恋恋爱爱不就那么简单
想的太多，反而没那么简单

Chorus
要爱就去爱的够狠，别怕面对所有憎恨
当房里没有任何人，一男一女任抱任亲
天生一对没人过问，做对二号房的恋人

Version 2

二号房的恋人

Verse 1
这世界什么叫恋人，恋人恋人单恋的人
男男女女变成情人，不分男女去爱个人
看着眼前那对恋人，不知慨怎么去容忍
想要爱却怕被人爱，失去了爱才懂的爱

Chorus
一男一女天生一对，没人过问度过一生
要爱就爱，要恨就恨，别怕面对所有憎恨
去爱个够狠，做对二号房的恋人

Verse 2
房里做个K歌之王，房外做个吹水大王
老是飞去荷兰的你，站着呆着不能飞起

Chorus
一男一女天生一对，没人过问度过一生
要爱就爱，要恨就恨，别怕面对所有憎恨
去爱个够狠，做对二号房的恋人

Bridge
恋恋爱爱不就那么简单
想的太多，反而变的不简单

Chorus
一男一女天生一对，没人过问度过一生
要爱就爱，要恨就恨，别怕面对所有憎恨
去爱个够狠

一男一女任抱任亲，天生一对没人过问
放下所有憎恨，度过一生，做对二号房的恋人

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