Sunshine, Moonlight

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Hello peeps. Its been quite some time since I last splash my inner thoughts over this blank white sheet of bittersweet memories. Recently, a lot of things have happened and I totally want to express most of it and I don’t really know where to start.

Well, here goes. Firstly was definitely my family issue. My mum’s car is “said” to be totally crashed and could not be used further though I could only believe 1% of it but then who am I to say that. Well, at first I was just worrying about what’s gonna happen with the extra expenditure in the monthly budget. Guess what that wasn’t the main problem. The bank later rejected our application for the car loan and yes everything is on hold for I don’t wanna know how long. I mean why on earth that has to happen. The worst part is definitely why sell off the old car when you don’t have a transport. I’m like “seriously??”. Sigh…… the next alternative you have in mind is definitely, why don’t you borrow a car from your relatives for the moment? Guess what, the world is just too realistic. Ya, they did borrow, but there’s a period of course. Who wants to give you their car for free? There isn’t much saint around this world anymore. Then you must be thinking, why go for a new car when you cant afford one? That question totally came to my mind the moment they had the idea of buying a car. Why cant you just get a second-hand car? I guess it’ll always be a mystery. I’m just feeling totally sad for my sis who still has 4 months left in school and this happens. Now she has to figure out something to solve her transport problem. This is so not fair for her. But then again, what can I do?

Next up, I recently just missed an event of a lifetime. How should I name it? “a high school reunion” Ya, I shall just call it that way to remain calm. Seriously, why on earth does my mum have to be out of town this very weekend? I was totally about to explode when I found out. How on earth ….. ishh….. Then you must think, why cant you just ask a friend to fetch you? Well, firstly, I’m so freaking broke that I don’t even dare to walk out of the house alone. If I ask a friend to fetch, they’ll definitely go for yumcha after that or maybe some other activities. Seriously? And the other issue is I’ll definitely be coming home late in that case. Who’ll be at home to wait for my sis to come back? My mum is definitely not the typical whatever mum but more of the exaggerated type. Well, my sis did get to go and she was telling me much of her experience. And next, thanks to facebook, I get to see pictures of the event and see who went and who wasn’t there. Though the event turned out to be quite below standards, I’ll admit though regretting not going, I was also superbly afraid to attend it. There’s like so many people form my past whom I do not know how to face. Not sure what was the issue though? Just pure crazy?

Well the next thing would be things I would like to have or do. Remember me saying that everyone around me seems to be living better off. I do not want to sound pathetic but recently, more people found out about the issue and is asking why didn’t you do it. I was like, how on earth am I supposed to do it. My life needs a balanced and normal flow without much shock economically or financially. I would have done it if I could. The decision totally required more than what I have. I was of course not happy to have made the sacrifice but perseverance is definitely important as you cant have all the things you want. I truly believe things will get better in time maybe now is just not my time. I’m imagining a better course in the next 2 years the fastest. For now, I’ll just continue making more enemies and live my life as happily as I could.

Still waiting for morning to come

Wanna see if the sun will ever rise

Tell me what is it I'm reaching for

Ravaging through the endless yesterdays

You say I should be thankful for everyday

Heaven knows what tomorrow will bring

I never did believed most of it though

All we did was just ride with the flow

I know it's not selfish to ask for more

For one more night or one more day

Broken dreams may take everything

But they can never have yesterday

I try my best not to complain any of this to the people around me but rather express it here as everyone totally has their own problems and even after finding out about it what can they do. All that can be done is just words of console, pity, sympathy or maybe the good hearted ones – empathy. Praying high and low that God please, please, please, I know this is just a challenge you have install for us, I’ll persevere for as long as I can and survive till the very last day. I want to also thank my friends, who may not even read this, a million thanks for putting up with me and my charcoal black face every other day and still willing to stand by me. I know it is extremely difficult for all of you and I’ll continue to try my best to put up the best face I can and be a better friend than I am now.

Signing off for now as my time is totally running out like water running down the drain. When morning sun shines, there comes the shining blue moon light, pitch black as the crow sounds. May you all have a great day ahead.

Sunny Dough….XOXO

Life's Hard Like Rock

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Hello peeps, Im back to update you about my week. I have been really down the whole week for a reason I’m not even aware of. It’s just the overall mood. However, there are also several or maybe one or two happy things that I accomplished.

So to start off, the good things first of course. It’s not so big of a deal but I managed to accomplish my first online transaction which means I actually sold something. LOL. It’s actually my old books that I wanted to get rid of eagerly. Luckily enough, there were many hungry predators out there which wanted the meat too. The downside, I did offer quite a low price to start with. Well, now that the stuffs are gone, I’m just glad and the thought of making some loss totally disappeared.

Next up, what’s different. I just feel that this new beginning is supremely different or maybe it’s just how I feel at every beginning. I can feel a whole lot of stuff coming in the future awaiting for me to solve. It’s like a bag or maybe a whole carton of stress sitting there and just waiving at me. To say that I can’t handle it would be a total crap since I did manage to get through the toughest time before. Well, maybe I’ll get through this one as well. LOL.

My friends who are super lazy freaks are totally skipping class as they’re still back at their hometown. Not sure why was I attending class so early either, its literally tiring and a waste of time I suppose. The bright side, you get an introductory session and get to know everyone which you will never speak to till the end of time. So, what was the point in the first place again? LOL.

Feeling superbly lonely even when I’m surrounded by friends. I mean I just feel so alone and I don’t like the feeling, it sucks. Not to say they ditched me or anything, just that, do you know that feeling, the feeling of loneliness, the empty, lost feeling that leads you nowhere and no matter how many things you’ve done you still feel that empty. I just don’t know what to do with it. Ever since I got my results, I was like WTH. I kinda hate myself. The only thing I had to do was to study and I can’t even do it correctly. I’m not even working while studying while those who worked scored much better. Seriously? You know the feeling of having no goal in life and you’re just going along the way day by day just passing by, I guess that’s what I’m going through. Pointless.

Barely survived the first few days, but with the budget me and the successful transaction, walla, it’s the end of the week and I’m getting my cash of the month. I guess everyone has their own hardship, its just that you don’t go around telling everyone right? I’ve actually trained myself to control my self-expression much to not show stuffs I’m trying to hide such as not splatting all these on my facebook wall. As much as sharing would help alleviate a lot, the aftermaths is just quite unbearable. Since there’s nothing people can literally do, they can only listen. But then it continues to haunt you because people just see you that way, forever, or is it just me that feels that way?

Not to say my life sucks that much, just that I kinda noticed that I grew up with people who are somehow better off. Let’s just say as kids, they have better toys, they get things they want, or they get more attention and love. I’ve been trying so hard to fulfill my wants, of course, within my own terms and that does not happen very often, maybe once a year or so. I know everyone has their own definition of royalty, but I guess mine isn’t too much to ask. Let’s just say I usually don’t get what I want, just like what an average American teen would say but maybe not those unreasonable wants.

Before I bore you too much, lets just skip the topic. I’m kinda attracted to this recent blackberry. It got my attention in a Korean drama called Dream High 2. After doing some research, it is definitely the most stylish and sleek blackberry ever. However, compared to iphone and Samsung, it does lack quite a bit behind based on functionality and price. It’s the Blackberry Bold 9900. Isn’t it just awesome?

Nah…. I’ve checked. Even with the digi package, the phone will still cause me 1300++. I mean OMG. It’s gonna be a total impossible for me to get it. Cause, recently my mum lost her phone then she took my sis’ phone and now she’s stuck with a laoya phone, so I thought I could work and get myself a phone. It’s definitely asking for too much if I ask my sis to pay for it. Or maybe should I just get a cheaper one instead?

This is why I say, why on earth the people beside me can just get something with a flick of a finger and I plan from day 1 of the year till the end of the year still, I don’t have it. I did thought of working while studying or maybe do some business online like what all typical students do, but how to start? Maybe, I’m just not trying hard enough.

There’s this other wish I had which I know in my heart is totally out of my mind. Would it be possible for me to have a car? LOL. I don’t even have a license in the first place. Sigh, it’s just so troublesome having to ask for help every time when others can totally count on themselves. The gruesome, useless, pathetic feeling inside? Anyways, I’ll count this out since it’s considered unnecessary and so overboard and my sis din have a car back when she was studying too. So what I was trying to say, kids today are just too pampered/lucky I supposed. I guess I’ll just stick to chasing after my phone. Hahahaha……..

I was also planning on changing my face regime since face is such an important factor in the working world. Everyone on earth can only remember the first impression, materialistic much. Sad to say, it’s a fact that I can’t deny. I have acne prone skin from the days of which we were still wearing white coloured shirts and green coloured pants. Tried very hard to get rid of it but still, the scars haunt me. I recently visited the famous facial skin care blog for men www.scform.com and kinda formulated my own skin care regime. With a tight budget and trying to find substitutes for the products mentioned, I finally found some. This blog is a total awesome thing, they provide so much information that you would definitely want to know. There’s this product called Paula Choice 2% BHA Liquid is said to be the best in its category and a must in everyone’s skin care regime. Guess how much it costs? RM90 and that doesn’t include the delivery charges which adds it up to more than RM100. I’m like how on earth am I gonna budget that much out. What I learnt was, you can never go cheap on your face, if only I had SK2, maybe my nightmares would end before they even begin.

So I was wondering should I get Eucerin White Night Solution or Bio Essence Tanaka White Night Cream? the blog suggested Avene Diacneal but from my research its actually super expensive but good for skin renewal. Sigh....

Am so tired like I did a lot of stuff but did not really do much. Crazy eh. All we know that life's always tough and hard like rock, but give it some slack and time, shower it with love and care and some day maybe it'll turn into gold, Who knows? 

Doughing off for now…. XOXO, Sunny Dough. =)