Hello peeps. Its been quite some time since I last splash my inner
thoughts over this blank white sheet of bittersweet memories. Recently, a lot
of things have happened and I totally want to express most of it and I don’t
really know where to start.
Well, here goes. Firstly was definitely my family issue. My mum’s car is
“said” to be totally crashed and could not be used further though I could only
believe 1% of it but then who am I to say that. Well, at first I was just
worrying about what’s gonna happen with the extra expenditure in the monthly
budget. Guess what that wasn’t the main problem. The bank later rejected our
application for the car loan and yes everything is on hold for I don’t wanna
know how long. I mean why on earth that has to happen. The worst part is
definitely why sell off the old car when you don’t have a transport. I’m like “seriously??”.
Sigh…… the next alternative you have in mind is definitely, why don’t you
borrow a car from your relatives for the moment? Guess what, the world is just
too realistic. Ya, they did borrow, but there’s a period of course. Who wants
to give you their car for free? There isn’t much saint around this world
anymore. Then you must be thinking, why go for a new car when you cant afford
one? That question totally came to my mind the moment they had the idea of
buying a car. Why cant you just get a second-hand car? I guess it’ll always be
a mystery. I’m just feeling totally sad for my sis who still has 4 months left
in school and this happens. Now she has to figure out something to solve her
transport problem. This is so not fair for her. But then again, what can I do?
Next up, I recently just missed an event of a lifetime. How should I
name it? “a high school reunion” Ya, I shall just call it that way to remain
calm. Seriously, why on earth does my mum have to be out of town this very
weekend? I was totally about to explode when I found out. How on earth ….. ishh…..
Then you must think, why cant you just ask a friend to fetch you? Well,
firstly, I’m so freaking broke that I don’t even dare to walk out of the house
alone. If I ask a friend to fetch, they’ll definitely go for yumcha after that
or maybe some other activities. Seriously? And the other issue is I’ll definitely
be coming home late in that case. Who’ll be at home to wait for my sis to come
back? My mum is definitely not the typical whatever mum but more of the exaggerated
type. Well, my sis did get to go and she was telling me much of her experience.
And next, thanks to facebook, I get to see pictures of the event and see who
went and who wasn’t there. Though the event turned out to be quite below
standards, I’ll admit though regretting not going, I was also superbly afraid
to attend it. There’s like so many people form my past whom I do not know how
to face. Not sure what was the issue though? Just pure crazy?
Well the next thing would be things I would like to have or do. Remember
me saying that everyone around me seems to be living better off. I do not want
to sound pathetic but recently, more people found out about the issue and is
asking why didn’t you do it. I was like, how on earth am I supposed to do it.
My life needs a balanced and normal flow without much shock economically or financially.
I would have done it if I could. The decision totally required more than what I
have. I was of course not happy to have made the sacrifice but perseverance is
definitely important as you cant have all the things you want. I truly believe
things will get better in time maybe now is just not my time. I’m imagining a better
course in the next 2 years the fastest. For now, I’ll just continue making more
enemies and live my life as happily as I could.
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will ever rise
Tell me what is it I'm reaching for
Ravaging through the endless yesterdays
You say I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what tomorrow will bring
I never did believed most of it though
All we did was just ride with the flow
I know it's not selfish to ask for more
For one more night or one more day
Broken dreams may take everything
But they can never have yesterday
I try my best not to complain any of this to the people around me but rather
express it here as everyone totally has their own problems and even after
finding out about it what can they do. All that can be done is just words of
console, pity, sympathy or maybe the good hearted ones – empathy. Praying high
and low that God please, please, please, I know this is just a challenge you
have install for us, I’ll persevere for as long as I can and survive till the
very last day. I want to also thank my friends, who may not even read this, a
million thanks for putting up with me and my charcoal black face every other day
and still willing to stand by me. I know it is extremely difficult for all of
you and I’ll continue to try my best to put up the best face I can and be a
better friend than I am now.
Signing off for now as my time is totally running out like water running
down the drain. When morning sun shines, there comes the shining blue moon
light, pitch black as the crow sounds. May you all have a great day ahead.
Sunny Dough….XOXO