Ok, so it's been quite sometime since I last blogged and kind of lost touch of where I stopped last time. So, let's recall some of my recent events. I've just completed my second year heading towards the final starting in a few weeks time. I've totally messed up many (and I mean many) of the relationships in my circle and it's a little crazy till I've got tired of trying to fix any and leave things be. Yes, I've kinda learnt the art of not bothering or rather ignoring facts that would lead to a more complicated life of mine. Wonder what on earth happened. The last semester was just a crazy hell of a ride and I guess the stress got to everyone. Breaking strings off and also making new connections at the same time. We just get to know more about the people around me.
So, remember the post i wrote about rage. (http://sunnydough.blogspot.com/2013/04/outrage.html)
Well, I'm not sure how it will turn out like a week from now, great decisions will totally change my life. It's the god's decision whether we are meant to be or not so much.
I just dont see why people can change so much. From the people I knew back in foundation years, now they've totally become people I barely know. Is it because of me or them? Is it my problem or their problem? I've kinda tried my best to turn tables, make it good for people. Am I just not trying hard enough? I know I use poverty as an excuse but seriously, the motivation talk I went to enlightened me of something called fear of poverty. There's even such a fear and yes I admit I have such a fear.
Unlike little rich brats, people like us can't just choose to do the things we want. It's not like if we want a better resume we just join events or even summer internships in other countries. We have so much to think about even if it was a small little trip in our very own hometown. Every time people tell me they're going for holidays during the semester break, do you know how jealous I am. How heart broken I am when every single person can go on a break after battling the war for so long and I can only go home and yet get nagged for not getting a job.
Not that I'm complaining going home is a bad thing, but my version of a holiday is just rest and no one disturbs you. You barely see sunshine and be vampire. (Like what I'm doing now.) Seriously, it kinda pisses me off seeing people upload all their happy faces on holidays in facebook where they're having the greatest time of their life.
But at the same time, I also know not many people share the same privilege as those rich asses. There are also people who do not get to enjoy and have to work. Yet, I'm not sure why I'm so offensive when it comes to work. Is it because I've had these bad experience working in cafes and restaurants that I label working as a totally badass thing to do. Maybe yes, I'm trying to escape all those being bossed around stuff. Maybe I just need to get a job in a different industry other than F&B.
As I grow older, I get the fact that the world does not revolve around me. It's not like my problem is anything serious. I just have to accept the fact that we are living in these conditions and we are in no position to question so many other things. Let's talk about the symptoms of fear in poverty and I'll illustrate some maybe.
Indifference - I tend to be indifferent from choosing like better stuff or bad stuff, cause I know I'll never get the good stuff. It feels useless even to make a choice.
Indecision - I tend to have problems making decisions. It's like every decision is a big thing and next we die or we survive.
Doubt - I doubt every single detail. I doubt the people around me. I doubt whether am I making the same mistakes or am I making the correct decision.
Worry - I worry that if I make a wrong decision, everything is going to die around me. We're practically dead.
Over-cautious - From all of the above, you can see how cautious I am with things. I just think too much.
Procrastination - From thinking too much, I delay as much as possible before making any final decisions.
Kinda get what I mean. It's like if you have financial back up, you're not worried if you screw up or anything. Let's just say you got into an accident, you are totally covered financially. If i get into any accident, I'm most probably dead or end up with greater debt.
Kids with cash tend to be more confident. (I bet this would be a great study topic). They are better at showing who they want to be and they are not afraid of making mistakes cause they can afford to. They can just say, I want to join that course. I want to take this class. Its to heavy, why don't I just extend the semester. I probably gonna fail this subject, I should just drop it and retake it next semester. I'm not doing well in this course, well, I should change to another.
Seriously, everyone says do what your heart says, in reality every single things relates you to money. I can't afford to do any of the above. And now you understand where I come from. Why I'm just furious?
If I have the means and capabilities, I would have definitely credit transferred to another uni or college and graduate there. Live a better life and enjoy more I supposed. Can't really imagine what life would be if things were different. Am I up for the game?
I just think a lot of people are taking things for granted and I wish parents these days would be more aware of the consequences of their actions cause bad things are really gonna happen in the future. I am really hoping to see a better future and one day, yes I want to say, I'm gonna be able to provide and I'm gonna be able to travel all over the world.
This song really got to me a long time ago and yet I'm addicted now again. Yes, it's no other than Emeli Sande's >>> Read All About It (Pt 3)
"I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it "
Yes, I wanna sing till there's not a word left
Just let them read all about it
I'm not afraid.
Did some homework during my break, so gonna post it up. Maybe somebody will learn to appreciate what I did one day.
Here are some of the travel photos I stole from facebook of course. Enjoy. XDDDD
